In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and
stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those
idiots understand their own language. ~
The Innocents Abroad…. Mark Twain
I was born
to speak the English language and even that has been a struggle. I had a speech problem as a child, trouble
with the letter "S". When I
used an "S" I sounded like a serpent with a lisp. You just tried that
sound didn’t you? I remember sitting in
“regular class” when the speech teacher would come in and take me “down to the
room”. I hated that -- it meant that I
would spend an hour of torture with her. She would say “Repeat after me, Sally sells
sea shells by the sea shore.” I remember
thinking, "you’ve heard me talk why do you want me to say that?" “How
about Roger rode on a red roller-coaster”,
the teacher would ask with a smile.
“There’s only one S in that sentence and we can work our way up from
there.” Eventually I figured out how to
talk without looking like I had been electrocuted every time I used the letter
S and I no longer had to leave my regular classroom.
When Sandy and my travels began
taking us to foreign places, we wanted to do our best to at least try and speak
the language of our host country, as it is appreciated by the locals if you at
least attempt to communicate in their language.
This was like speech therapy all over again. I enrolled in a Spanish class through our
local community college adult education program. Sandy
had studied Spanish in college so I took this class with our friends Jim and
Jan. After two years the school wouldn’t
let me enroll in the beginner class anymore and I registered for one of the
next classes, conversational Spanish.
Speaking English was not allowed in this class and after a few attempts,
I finally dropped the course altogether and decided that I would just stay
close to Sandy
and smile a lot.
Most of my
attempts at speaking a foreign language have been laughable if not disastrous.
I remember a time when Jim and I traveled from the island Roatan to the
mainland of Honduras
to purchase some tools for work on our property. Almost everyone on the island
of Roatan speaks English but a short
30 miles away on the mainland of Honduras , Spanish is the primary
language and if you speak English here, you’re not going to get much of a
response. Jim and I both tried hard to
speak Spanish, we even thought that if we talked loud and slow and added an O
to the end of all our words, the locals would understand us. This, of course, never works. In the end we just pointed and smiled a lot
and by the time we boarded the ferry to return to Roatan, we both had a
headache.
The problem
with trying to speak the local language is, if you walk into a place and you greet
folks with “Buenos Dias”, people assume that you can speak Spanish and they
respond in Spanish and of course, I don’t have a clue what they are saying as
I’ve just exhausted my Spanish repository.
I give them the same stupid look I would give my speech therapist when
she would say “repeat after me, sister Suzy sat on a thistle.” Funny how you can be transported back to the
past so easily.
I have tried
so many times to speak with confidence, but I always get a brain freeze. In Italy I've learned that I can only
order Lasagna or Ravioli at restaurants, as this is all I can really
pronounce. When the waiter comes to our
table I invariably freeze up and in a loud slow voice I say, “Ravioli-O and
wine-O, Gracias". Oh shoot -- wrong language. The waiter would look at me as I smile
sheepishly and nodding as though he understood every word, he would sweep away
my menu and turn to Sandy
to take her order, sure that I will never know if what he chooses to bring me
is even close to what I ordered.
The French
language sounds so beautiful and charming when spoken. Someone could be describing how to unstop a
toilet and it will still sound elegant.
But when someone like me is trying to speak French it sounds more like a
toad that was stepped on, croaking and protesting loudly.
We were at
dinner one evening in a nice restaurant in Paris .
Sandy
had ordered and it sounded like she knew what she was doing, then Jan did the
same and even asked some questions. The
waiter turned to me expectantly - it was my turn to order and I was anxiously
looking at the menu for something that looked familiar or that I could
pronounce. I didn’t want to have
escargot and French fries again. As the
waiter continues to look at me, pencil poised expectantly over his order pad, I
felt like saying “Mongo want this” and point to the menu item. My brain froze and I slowly said, “Ravioli-O
and wine-O, Gracias”. Oh darn, I did it
again! We are in France – wrong language! I try again. “Umm, Sally sells sea shells by
the sea shore”. Finally I just smile
and point as the waiter gives me a frown and shakes his head. I feel quite sure that he is going to season
my food with spit. I should have had the
escargot again. Oh well. I will keep trying, and keep smiling.